Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
