I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize