So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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