I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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