There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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