Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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