and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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