If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
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