remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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