I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
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I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
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Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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