You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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