can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I need a beard to bite.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
