the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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