I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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