His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
