I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
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i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
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My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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