i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
