Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
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