the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
