I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
