I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
