i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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