16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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