is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
