A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
