Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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