Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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