Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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