Im at strip club and am horny
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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