i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
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God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
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I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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