She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
