it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
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It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
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She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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