I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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