I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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