I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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