Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
so explain again why im purple
no
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You were trust falling into bushes
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
