hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
