Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
