Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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