The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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