You just made me feel so damn special
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
