Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I need a burrito and a hug.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
