There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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