Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
