I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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