Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
