Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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