There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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