Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
