Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
