you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize