His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
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How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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