Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
please don't ironically join a cult
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