Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
