I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
