all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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