WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
