my mouth tastes like poor choices
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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