My first STD was from a foam party
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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