Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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