you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
