im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
