Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
