I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
