I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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