I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize