I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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