whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize