im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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