I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So squirting runs in the family.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
