hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
