i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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