Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
