6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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