Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
