If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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