I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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