Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
