he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
