NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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