I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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