I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
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She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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