It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
